I ONLY joined Twitter in November of 2017 during the “coup, that was not a coup” in Zimbabwe. It was a great source of information. I was able to follow people in Zimbabwe who relayed by the minute events unfolding on the ground, as I live outside of the country.

Eight months later, I can happily say I have forged real friendships with people I have met online. It all sounds great doesn’t it? Well, that was until the day I received a direct message asking me for nudes and another sending me an unsolicited picture of the male reproductive organ (I’m being very polite here).

On Twitter, you get to interact with people you may never meet in real life just like Facebook and Instagram. It is a social media platform where you share (tweet) and read about different topics in 140 characters or less. The Direct Message (DM) feature lets you have a chat-type experience with no word limit for either user.

Evidently, I was in shock! I had not been on social media for almost 10 years. This was social media now? Even in the Zimbabwe community?

When I was a young woman in Zimbabwe, catcalls on the streets were almost comical and endearing. I will always remember a guy on the street yell, “Sista makabatana se (Land Rover) Defender, ndoda kukuroora” (you look amazing, I want to marry you) or “munofamba nerekutichii?” (What’s your name?) Creepy? Maybe! At least I could walk away from these men without a care in the world.

Just like WhatsApp, the sender on Twitter can tell when you read a message and when you respond or send a new tweet. As soon as I would login and tweet, the same guys would keep writing. I felt stalked and harassed. This was no ordinary catcall I could laugh off and walk away from, it was creepy, annoying and weird.

I genuinely felt offended. These were men from my country, from my culture, who supposedly wanted to marry me, but violated the code. Is this what Zimbabwean men were all about now? Where was the romance? Where was the wooing, where was the conversation? All I was, was a candidate for a jerking off ceremony later that night.

As I struggled to grasp the reality of these messages, irate, I fired back. The message was simple. I don’t send nudes and I don’t accept unsolicited pornography. It doesn’t go down in the DMs! The conversations from the other end alluded that nudes were the way to a man’s heart. The way to letting him know I wanted to be with him. “I really think we could be together even though you are miles away If you send me pictures, I will know you are mine,” the guy said.

The latest message I received went something like this – a sure way to be blocked immediately: “I really like what I see and I want to get to know you. How about a private picture and WhatsApp? We can video call and I can see what you are working with. My number is +27*********. This is me (insert nude picture here). I want to marry you.”

Social media has given people the ability to hide behind their smart phones. It has robbed us of the human interaction. I have to ask so many questions before I can get excited about any messages and I usually never get to the excited part. If DMs are the new catcalls, surely there must be some rules.

The projection of what men and women think you want or ought to hear from miles away, should have a code. Maybe some men are used to receiving nudes and the culture of DMs and social media has made cowards braver. Stop! It’s creepy. Let’s talk about direct message etiquette, if you do decide to send that.

All of these rules apply to other social media platforms.

  • Do Act like a human being. Treat Direct Messages as a conversation you would have in real life and show the respect you would. The internet is full of bots, don’t make yourself seem like you are one.
  • Do Not send unsolicited nude pictures (you know what I mean). You are certainly not going to be taking your clothes off in public in real life. If you do, it is a crime. Unsolicited pictures are creepy. Don’t!
  • Do Not ask for a phone number until you have gained some trust and had at least five lengthy conversations. No, I do not want to be stalked on my WhatsApp by a guy who says “Hello” only, 50 times a day. Remember, many people have direct messages sent to their e-mail inboxes. In this case, you clutter email inboxes with just “hi, wyd?”
  • Do Personalise your account. Have a profile picture, location and be real. Yes, be real if you are going to ask anyone out or try your luck with online love. Cat fishing is real and people create fake accounts all the time. No-one wants to talk to a ghost. No one wants to date a coward. If you can’t step up to me with your real self, how am I supposed to have respect for a coward?
  • Do Show your worth. Why are you writing them? Are you making their day fun? Are just stalking and adding stress? Are you making them laugh? Are you sending too many messages and being annoying? Make sure you are using Direct Messages to effectively keep her/him interested and engaged. Be interesting or be blocked.
  • Do Know your audience. Be smart enough to read the person you “think” is the love of your life. Yes, you want to shoot your shot, but if someone is on Twitter for business or politics, understand their agenda. Stay away!
  • Do Have a real conversation. Ask him or her about values, goals, religion, and compatibility. These notions do not cease because you are online.
  • Do Respond in time or apologise for the long silence. If you have started a conversation, respond in a timely fashion. Nothing says “time waster” or “Cat Fish” like a response that comes 20 hours later. On the other hand, if there is no response, bow out gracefully. Do not resend!
  • Please Do Not suffocate your crush – Just like the guy who wanted to marry me on Day 1, do not look desperate and profess marriage. It is suffocating and creepy. Find a balance to the conversation. Issa NO!

I don’t want to discourage anyone from “finding love” online. But shooting your shot is not the same as being a stalker, creep or sending messages in very poor taste. Twitter is about sharing you who are. Sending direct messages that offend sends out a message like, “I’m a pervert, I’m desperate but please still talk to me.”

So, yes, shoot your shot on social media if it is possible. Do not ask for nudes or send them either. Be funny, say more than “hey”. Most people just want a real conversation online. Do not be that guy that gets blocked. Check the rules first. I will see you on Twitter.

Shona Moyo imagines herself as a sex expert and is based in the United States of America (Twitter: @Shonamoyo4)