WOMEN in Zimbabwe are in big trouble. No. Women everywhere are in big trouble. We have so many systems to fight, so many people to fight, and so many battles. It seems we are in a perpetual battle. The sad thing is that not only do we have to fight men to be happy, often time we must fight each other.

When Morgan Tsvangirai passed away, his widow was treated so terribly that when Oliver Mtukudzi sang “Neria” at the funeral, a song that encourages a widow called Neria to stay vigilant, we all assumed it was because of all the abuse Elizabeth Tsvangirai was receiving from her late husband’s relatives.

Not everyone felt sorry for her, some were quick to say there must have been a genuine reason why she was being banned from the funeral and basically prevented from mourning peacefully. Word on the street was that she was probably a slut who had been having an affair with Nelson Chamisa. People found it hard to believe that she was an innocent victim.

People are rarely willing to stand for victims of abuse. We have to make excuses for the abusers. We go out of our way to investigate what it is the victim did that led her to being abused.

When a man repeatedly bashes his wife, we wonder what it is she does to trigger the beatings. When a man cheats on his wife we whisper about what she could be doing wrong that drives him away. Could it be that she talks too much? Could it be she is terrible in bed? Maybe she is stingy? In most cases it is the victim who undergoes extreme interrogation to prove that indeed, she did not deserve whatever befell her. All this while the man slanders the victim to an audience willing to entertain him and believe him over her.

On the career front, whenever a woman achieves something extraordinary, eyebrows are raised as to how she got up there so fast. I remember I once told someone on Twitter that I have four jobs and his response was: “I’m not surprised, with a body like yours it should be easy to get men to give you jobs!” He did not ask what the jobs were. He did not care how much I’m earning from them and he was not interested in the fact that some nights I’m lucky if I get two hours sleep. No, to him it was simple, I use my hips to get jobs.

I have come across many tweets asking Fadzai Mahere, a parliamentary candidate for Mt Pleasant in Harare, how the hell she thinks she can be a parliamentarian when she cannot achieve the simple feat of getting a husband? When that does not work they mock her about not having children “at her age”.

Thokozani Khuphe, Nelson Chamisa’s former rival for the MDC-T presidency, was also called a slut by youths who were upset by her contestation of Chamisa. I was of the opinion that Khuphe should have conceded and combined forces with Chamisa. I felt Chamisa was more popular, more charismatic and better qualified to be their party’s front runner. Feminists had a field day with me. How could I, a woman, support the slander of another woman? I tried to explain that it was possible for me to condemn the youths for their sexism without having to support Khuphe’s presidency bid. Few people supported me. It was either I was for women or for the sexists. Somewhere along the line the fight got so muddled up we had no idea what exactly was being contested.

We have a tendency of mixing up issues which ends up trivialising any cause we embark on to empower women and to protect them from abuse. We have no idea what exactly our gender cause is. To some it means that if you are a woman you must always vote for whatever woman is competing against a man. For some it means when a woman is accused of anything, right or wrong, she must be protected. For others it means women must also get top posts in organisations no matter the “cost”. This has led to so many undeserving and unequipped women thrown in the deep end when they can’t swim. This has also led to a disgusting sense of entitlement among some of us.

Life can be difficult for women even when it should be easy, so we have facilitated for it to be easy even where it should be difficult. We have solved gender inequality with an even bigger problem, that of gender entitlement.

This “hands-off women” approach is unsustainable. It goes against the essence of gender empowerment, which I thought was to ensure that women get opportunities that were in the past, reserved for men only. If that is the case it means when women get those posts, we need to be qualified for them and be able to face the heat that comes with them. When we get those post we must be held to the same standards as men. We cannot get there and underperform, only to play the gender card when confronted. We cannot get there and behave unethically only to play the gender card when confronted.

On Friday, July 21, Edmund Kudzayi, a former editor of the Sunday Mail accused Justice Priscilla Chigumba, the female head of the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (ZEC) of having an affair with Mines Minister Winston Chitando, who is also a Senate candidate in Masvingo in the July 30 elections. He claims that the affair brings up conflict of interest issues as she may want to favour her boyfriend’s party.

People have accused him of sexism and slut shaming. I believe it is totally unfair to accuse him of that. If the Integrity of the country’s electoral commission is at stake, it must be protected. One of the core values of that office is the ability to be impartial in the execution of duty. The 2018 elections mantra from all parties has been “free and fair elections”!

Prior to Edmund’s bombshell, opposition parties had already been calling for Chigumba’s resignation. They accused ZEC of being partisan in favour of Zanu PF over issues ranging from the refusal to give them the voters’ roll to the ballot paper’s printing and design, among other issues. The general feeling on the ground was that ZEC is going out of its way to help Zanu PF to win and everyone was wondering why?

I’m struggling to see where gender comes into play. I’m of the opinion that opposition parties would have been equally disgruntled even if it were a man heading ZEC. In the past, they have come out guns blazing at the country’s Registar General, Tobaiwa Mudede, a man they accused of partisanship. That brings me to the conclusion that their disgruntlement has nothing to do with the gender of office bearers.

When the allegation that Chigumba was having an affair then surfaced, it was more like an “aha” moment for all those who had been wondering why the ZEC chair had thrown caution to the wind and appeared so ready to trash her reputation. Suddenly, it made sense. If indeed she was dating a Zanu PF minister, to what lengths would she go to ensure the president was re-elected and her boyfriend re-appointed minister?

Her office’s mandate is to ensure that the country holds free and fair elections. As ZEC chair, her job is to protect our vote so that only the person wanted by the majority comes out victorious. Her “job” as a girlfriend is to love and protect her man. Her role is to make him happy. Seeing as the role in her private life is clearly contradictory to her official role, this is called conflict of interest.

To what extent will she protect our vote if the outcome is going to make the man in her life sad? To what extent will she protect her boyfriend’s job if free and fair elections mean that he will lose it. If Edmund’s allegations are true, Justice Chigumba is a tormented woman. I actually feel sorry for her. She is clearly between a rock and a hard place.

It’s unfortunate that sometimes when faced with a situation as the one she is in, if the allegations are true, we have no idea what to do. Quitting a job is not easy. Turning one’s back on love is also not easy. The woman must be conflicted. It is in such cases that one must be helped or forced to come to a decision.

It’s too late to compel her to dump her boyfriend because we have no idea how deep the cheating has gone. The only option left is for her to resign from her job.

What is of national concern is the office of the chairperson of the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission. Its integrity is in question. It is the holder of that office who is accountable to the public. Regardless of whether the holder is male or female, she has the national duty to be sincere to the core values of free and fair elections. She must therefore face the consequences of any actions that put those values in jeopardy.

The crime here is her conflict of interest and not her boyfriend’s adultery and her role in it. It is her job, not her boyfriend’s, to protect our democracy. It’s not patriarchy. It’s not sexism. It’s not slut shaming. It’s called taking responsibility for one’s actions.

Twitter: Mamoxm